5 Weeks 3 days

This week, I'm feeling really great besides being so exhausted. I literally can hardly hold my head up at times. I sometimes feel a little nauseous but it hasn't been unbearable yet. The baby is the size of an orange seed this week.

We celebrated Gracie's 6th birthday party on Saturday and I received some very cute gifts myself. My favorite was a little lamb blankie and it says "This child is blessed". Stephen and I have been trying to come up with boy and girl names. So far Faith Michelle is a go for a little girl or Sean Michael for a boy. We will see still unsure :)

5 Weeks pregnant with our snowflake

God has blessed me so. Its starting to finally sink in that I'm indeed pregnant. Please continue to pray for us. We go to the ob appointment Friday!

Oh my goodness, pinterest has been so much fun to explore. I have been finding the most precious little outfits for our snowflake on there. This one in particular is a favorite of mine! Aww!

All my love,

Kim

The Best day!

We have to travel back to 3 1/2 years ago. I had gotten pregnant with Gracie very quickly and thought when I have another it will happen just as fast. Months went by nothing, then somehow months turn into years. It was hard to swallow at times when I saw others around me pregnant-- it was even harder when I started to question and doubt why God has not given me this deep deep desire. Its so hard to wait isn't it? We forget sometimes that we are not in control of our lives- God is and His timing is always perfect but lets be honest-- its hard. There was bitterness, there was anger, there was grieving a child I had never met. There were questions that no one could answer, there were tears-- so many tears. There were doubts, "Maybe I'm only meant to have one child." There were even times when I felt guilty for asking for just one more. It was not easy. 

4 years ago right before we wanted to have another God put certain women in my life who had fertility issues. I mean like 5 women-- it was a total God thing. All of theses women after years, one even 14 years became pregnant. One lady, I had prayed for months for found out she was carrying TWINS! Ah, it gives me chills just thinking back. Looking back I believe God put these women in my life for a reason to show me years later that All things are possible with God. Life gets in the way though when you are going through this journey. No one can truly understand the depth of pain the infertility or secondary infertility journey takes you down. God allows like this to happen so that #1 we can use it for his glory-- all of it the good, the bad, the ugly. #2 He uses it to speak to others... He makes it in such a way that I can say "I've been right there where you are." 

3 months ago at the Mall in Ocala, I just so happened to see one of the women that I had ministered too all those years ago. This time she had already had a second child- a daughter. It did my heart so good to talk with her. God knew I needed to see her and she has been an constant encouragement to me.

This past week, I told Steve I just don't understand why God is not taking this desire for another child away. I have prayed and prayed and the constant longing is still there.

 That same day April 6th I found out we were pregnant. I had to take 4 tests to believe it. I balled when I told Stephen. It still does not seem real. Gracie was thrilled that she got a baby for an early birthday present.

I will update each week, like I did for Gracie on this blog. Its special for me because when I had Gracie I printed out my online journals and put them in a scrapbook for her to someday look at.

God is so good. I can say he is so good even during the not so good times-- He's still good. Please pray with us. We are thrilled and cant wait to share more!

Our little "snowflake" is due around December 12, 2015. The pastor in Stephen has already been thinking about it playing "Jesus" in a nativity. 

Much Love,
Kim

Obedience

It has been awhile since I have blogged. So many ideas come to my mind and then well life gets in the way. Today, the Lord led me to a passage in Deuteronomy and spoke right to my heart that I just had to share with you. When the Lord puts an thought or idea in my heart and I know he is wanting me to share it with someone else.

Today, didn't start out as planned, I ran over Gracie's bike (its okay BTW and so is the car hehe) and the list could go on. I did my morning walk and walking has been the best for me. Its when I get to have my quiet time with the Lord and today was no different. Living here in Gilchrist County has been a blessing on our family. The country life is one I would never want to trade for anything in this world. My view that I get to see when I do my mornings walks is beautiful. Our road hardly has any traffic, there are pastures, and birds chirping. squirrels running, the air this morning was cool, and my most favorite living here is when Spring arrives-- wildflowers all down our road. Now, I will be the first to admit that I rarely notice things like wildflowers, but sweet little Gracie always reminds me of them and always always has a little flower to give me even if sometimes its a weed :)


As I was talking with the Lord, the scripture from Deuteronomy 28 came to my mind. In it talks about how obedience brings blessings. 

Blessings for Obeying the Lord 

28 Make sure you obey the Lord your God completely. Be careful to obey all his commands. I’m giving them to you today. If you do these things, the Lord will honor you more than all the other nations on earth. 2 If you obey the Lord your God, here are the blessings that will come to you and remain with you.

3 You will be blessed in the cities. You will be blessed out in the country.

4 Your children will be blessed. Your crops will be blessed. The young animals among your livestock will be blessed. That includes your calves and lambs.

5 Your baskets and bread pans will be blessed.

6 You will be blessed no matter where you go.

7 Enemies will rise up against you. But the Lord will help you win the battle over them. They will come at you from one direction. But they’ll run away from you in every direction.

8 The Lord your God will bless your barns with plenty of grain and other food. He will bless everything you do. He’ll bless you in the land he’s giving you.

9 The Lord your God will make you his holy people. He will set you apart for himself. He promised to do this. He promised to do it if you would keep his commands and live exactly as he wants you to live. 10 All the nations on earth will see that you belong to the Lord. And they will be afraid of you. 11 The Lord will give you more than you need. You will have many children. Your livestock will have many little ones. Your crops will do very well. All of that will happen in the land he promised to give you. He promised this to your people of long ago.

12 The Lord will open up the heavens. That’s where he stores his riches. He will send rain on your land at just the right time. He’ll bless everything you do. You will lend money to many nations. But you won’t have to borrow from any of them. 13 The Lord your God will make you leaders, not followers. Pay attention to his commands that I’m giving you today. Be careful to obey them. Then you will always be on top. You will never be on the bottom. 14 Don’t turn away from any of the commands I’m giving you today. Don’t turn to the right or the left. Don’t follow other gods. Don’t worship them.

If we but only trust and obey God He will honor our faithfulness. 

My Story- The Unanswered Prayer

I'm writing from a NEW blog. I'm so excited to get back to sharing my heart. It has been way to long and a post is overdue. So many changes from my last post in 2012. Gracie is finishing Preschool just had her little graduation- I didn't shed a tear:) I'm also getting my certificate to be a Preschool teacher someday- soon. I have always had a love for that age and God opened the door for me and I jumped right in. 

I have been longing to write. I lost my old blogger password-- and it is SO hard to retrieve it. I thought I would start fresh. A new chapter and I'm excited about it.

Onto, my title. The Unanswered prayer. Why is it that we brag on God only when he answers a prayer or gives us a blessing but not when we are in the storm and yearn for an answer. Why is it so difficult to share with others our burdens for fear someone might see that we are REAL. I was thinking the other day how difficult it has been for me the last 2 1/2 years. The nights of crying out to God for an answer. The days when I questioned, and pleaded for him to answer my one little request. The prayer of a Mom who wants so desperately to give her oldest a sibling. The prayer of a mom who has to hear questions from her oldest as to why God has not given her a sister or brother. Those are the questions that sting. I have been debating on sharing my heart on this subject because I had been thinking all along that when God DOES answer my prayer then I will shout to the world what a marvelous thing he has done but today God opened my eyes to see that I should be shouting his praises even during the unanswered- questionable times too.

When we tuck Gracie into bed is when we have our family prayer time. I love this time because its when Gracie will ask questions and it really blesses me. This one particular night I was talking to her and she said "Momma, why does God not answer my prayer about having a little brother or sister?" My heart sank. It was exactly the same question I had been asking God for 2 1/2 years. God immediately gave me the answer and it was what I needed to hear too. I told Gracie "Because its our story, each one of us is like a book that God is writing. He doesn't always answer our prayer right away because hes writing it into our story." I immediately felt peace like I have never had before. God is writing my story and even though at times it hurts. I feel peace because I know he's not done with my story yet. 

I'm not saying that it hasn't been rough. When storms and trials come our way its easy to question where is God. Why is it taking him so long to answer this one little request. Its not that God doesn't want to bless you. He does already. He has given me the most precious little girl and for that I'm so thankful. He has given me a wonderful, Godly husband who loves me unconditionally. He blessed our family with such an amazing church family. I could go on and on. He has blessed me and you. The ending of this poem really hit home. My prayer is that you will see that the storm you may be going through right now is just that a storm. God has a beautiful rainbow waiting. Be patient and in constant prayer. He's not done writing your story...

 The ending of this poem meant so much to me. 

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

Love,

Kim

16 Always be joyful. 17 Never stop praying. 18 Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18